The Office...
HIIIII!!!!!!!!!! So, I am going to be starting at Sidney Pentecostal Church this week as the youth intern and for the first time in my life I am going to have an office AND my own desk... that's right, my own desk. So, in light of the situation, I hope you enjoy this:
19 WAYS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for smuggling diamonds".
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy".
8. Don't use any punctuation.
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat - with a serious face.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day at work.
14. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
19. Tell your children over dinner "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
19 WAYS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for smuggling diamonds".
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy".
8. Don't use any punctuation.
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat - with a serious face.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day at work.
14. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
19. Tell your children over dinner "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
posted by Reuben the Destroyer @ 3:34 PM
4 Comments:
At 10:03 PM,
Jaime said…
You're own office??? Wow, the true sign of an intern!! JK bro! You know I'm proud of ya!
Did you make those up?? Very funny!
At 11:44 PM,
Dawn said…
Well JoHn thAts WhAt yoU tHinK do YOU mind GivIng ME tHe GisT of The PapEr toDAy .com and i thougholy enjoyed tHiS BLOg toDAy tHat is iN AccOrdAnCe WIth thE prOFEcy i tHiNK thAt i May jUST havE To USe sOme of thESe sUggeSTiONs in My wOrk as a Non-profIt nOn-rYMinG POet hahahaha....oh wait ROFL haha.. I think that you should name your office! Teens roc my sox! Hope your summer is stupenous! Be blessed!
At 4:04 PM,
Anonymous said…
:)
Just don't try and pass some of those memoed cheques through MY wicket...cuz I won't notice and then I'll be in big trouble...
At 11:59 AM,
LA VIDA CHIVASO said…
I really appreciate the tips for keeping my insanity... i might try one or two... just for kicks :)
anywhooo.. I hope things are going well for you @ Sidney
Be Blessed
Kimmer
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